You look so vibrant!
I love your eye makeup. Is it new?
You’re back to your old self.
It’s great to see you so happy again.
What’s the good news? You seem to be doing so much better.
Why have I heard these comments this week?
I am 100% confident that I will not find out anything about my illness(es) this week.
No worries about missing a call. No wondering if today is THE day. No pondering why I’m not getting called. No self-imposed pressure that I could be doing more to help myself get a diagnosis and treatment.
I’m one of those people other people mistake for always being happy. I’m just pleasant so when I’m
"Yeah, I'm undiagnosed, too but I don't care because for just one week, there's not a damn thing I can do about it."
not feeling it, it tends to show.
Do not confuse this ignorance with an associated fear for what’s wrong with me. I’ve reached a point where I’m not scared anymore. Bring it on and let’s move forward.***
***Though I WILL be pissed if I find out I am losing my sight. I’ve said before and saying it again… already deaf don’t want to be blind, too. Thanks.
Anyway
My PCP is away at a seminar. Even if Neuro #4 has sent her a report, it’s not making it’s way to me this week. Therefore, I’m hardly thinking about how frustrated I am that I’ve never received a call back from Neuro #4’s office (though I did reach the resident who is no longer on my case).
I’m limping my way around with a stiff, spasmed neck (sternocleidomastoid and trapezius)and my vision is quite blurry. Nonetheless – Apparently, I wear ignorance well.
And now, for today’s installment of “Who would I be without my illness?”
(with appreciation to Duncan Cross who posed this question)
Without my illness, I would be a parent to two children. My beautiful five year-old desperately wants a sibling and another child would balance out our family so nicely. Whether biological or through adoption, we’d be there by now. I’m so full of ignorance, this statement doesn’t even make me sad today.
As always, thanks for reading. Your comments are welcomed and can be anonymous. (I think, at least.)
-Q
Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: | optimism, undiagnosed chronic illness
One more thing we have in common — we also would have given our 5-year-old a younger sibling by now if it weren’t for chronic illness and chronic pain.
I talked to my PCP today about taking a break from the stress of all these tests that never explain my problems but just send us in wild directions. She was sympathetic and agreed that maybe, for a month or two or three, it’s ok to just try to ameliorate the symptoms that we can, with pain meds and stimulants and other things.
I feel numb, in more than just the left side of my face today.
Apologies if I just hijacked your blog — I really just wanted to express empathy as well as sympathy. Our mysteries may be different, but I tend to see the similarities more than the differences.
I’m glad you’re able to give yourself a week off without hoping/expecting to get answers any minute now. That just has to reduce some of the stress, I hope.
So I can’t remember — have you ever visited a neuro ophthalmologist? Most of the ones I’ve heard about don’t have great bedside manners, but it might be another avenue to check out …
Hang in there, Q. Sending you lots of love and e-hugs.