“Those without expectations are never disappointed”
The fortune cookie paper with this statement remained taped inside my journal for years. Then, a wise man told me, “those without expectations soon die.” And, that made a much bigger impression on me. It’s my hopes and dreams that keep me going.
I've stopped eating fortune cookies.
Still, somehow I worry that if I get too confident about my Wednesday appointment with Neuro #4, I’m opening myself for a big let down. Could I handle yet another big letdown?
Of course I can handle it.
Would I be disappointed? You betcha.
In the meantime, I’m counting on him. His specialty is neuroimmunology. Something I didn’t even know was a specialty.
From his bio: He has been able to recruit nearly a dozen nationally and internationally known neurologists to his team resulting in a world class treatment center. “It allows us to take a team approach,” he says. “If we have an interesting or difficult patient we can grab someone and find out what they think.”
So, since I am counting on Neuro #4, I want to be sure I make the best impression possible. I want to be prepared but not rehearsed. Confident but not “know it all”. And most of all, I want to be sincere, human, and able to keep it together. I also want to be sure I understand what is going on. I will ask questions and make my values known at the beginning of my exam. (Thanks Dr. D – you’ve given me so much).
The big question is what to wear.
This may sound totally silly but I believe it impacts how I am treated. When I go to appointments in my work clothes (business suits or other attire), I feel like I get treated differently. Though Neuro #1 did ask once, “Are you going to work or something?” The answer was “Yes. In fact I work across the street.” At University Hospital, I dressed on the casual side (plain polo shirt and jeans) and I’m not really the casual type. I believe that had an impact on how that doc saw me as a busy Mom rather than a patient with real problems.
So, my dear fellow patients – do you think about what to wear to your appointments? What do you wear?
Am I being ridiculous in asking this question? Be honest, I can take it.
I’m even planning my hair style and makeup – subtle but enough to show I care about my appearance no matter what pain and limitations I have.
I’d like to hear from you. And, I also ask for your good vibes. Even though I know I can handle another letdown (I’m a strong lady), I’m wishing for help and/or an increase in peace of mind.
As always, thank you for reading and I wish you the best. I look forward to reporting back on Wednesday.
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I don’t think you’re crazy for worrying about details like that at all. I’ve noticed that I get treated differently by (new docs especially) depending on how groomed I am.
But funnily enough — I’ve noticed the opposite that you do. I feel like I get taken more seriously when I’m too sick to dress decently or wash my hair or whatever.
In fact, one of things I got dinged on by the SSDI examiner was that I was well groomed and therefore would be able to be presentable for employment. (Too bad the 90 minute exam/interview left me so flared and exhausted that I spent a week in bed afterwards.
Not sure that supports his conclusion …)
I recently had a *horrible* experience with my third rheumy. Sigh. I haven’t blogged about it because I don’t want my extended family to hear about it. I can tell you about it in private email if you’re curious. I’ve already done my crying about it and am not upset anymore, but I definitely won’t be going back to that guy.
My advice for you? Don’t go in expecting to walk out with the answer in hand after an initial visit. I’m not sure I trust doctors who are willing to instantly diagnose someone complicated enough that they’ve seen many docs. Yes, he has your records and may have even read them, but you don’t want a doctor rushing to judgment before, or right after, meeting you for the first time. I hope this neuro is open-minded, willing to listen and really *hear* you, and willing/ready to take on a true challenge.
And then, after not too long or too many visits, I hope he figures out what’s causing your mystery illness *and* has a treatment plan that helps you be functional and feel good.
Good luck, Q. I’m rooting for you!!
And sending you lots of good vibes. And sending the doc lots of positive energy so he gets a good hunch to investigate!
I think about these things too.
I want to look like I deserve respect however I don’t want to look like I don’t need help.
Makeup is really tricky because I really need my doctors to see my coloring but wearing makeup helps my confidence and makes me look more respectable.
Honestly, as to clothes my first concern is will the blood pressure cuff work with these sleeves and can I push the sleeve up if they need labs. Those concerns will trump anything else. Then comes wearing clothing that fits well and is neat and somehow makes it looks like I care about myself.
Best wishes for your appointment. I really hope this doctor can help you.
Best wishes – I hope it’s a great match that provides some answers and hope!!
Rightly or wrongly, I definitely think that appearance makes a difference, especially for the first meeting. Sounds like your approach is good.
I’m an overweight, middle aged woman, and unfortunately I find that it is too easy for some doctors/people in general to assume that I am an incompentent partner in health care unless I present a professional image. After a doctor knows me I don’t usually worry about being anything but clean and neat (which is all I can manage some days).
I believe you need to strike a happy middle. Don’t go in messy and looking unclean, like a lot of pain patients do. But, to go in perfectly coifed and dressed, might give the doctor the impression that you have no problem with daily activities and the pain normally associated with getting yourself bathed, etc.
You’re not being ridiculous. In all of life, first impressions make a huge difference. What you wear to that first appointment matters greatly. People who project a professional image tend to be treated professionally. After you’re well established with a practice it probably doesn’t matter as much.
I used to wear a suit when I’d see a doctor, but no longer own any that fit. Now I try to wear a professional dress or a blouse and skirt. Obviously not tennis shoes – I have nice looking flats that don’t involve laces. There are other things to consider, too. I can’t wear pantyhose if the doctor will need me to remove my socks and shoes for a foot exam, so I usually wear slacks if I know my feet will be on display. If I’m having extreme rotator cuff issues, then I can’t wear a shirt that requires me to raise my arms overhead. There are lots of things to consider.
I hope this doctor is the one who can find your answers for you. Good luck.
Ha, how validating – I’ve noticed this too. For me, I think most docs (and office staff) are less blocky and crappy if I’m in what I consider “work clothes” than if I’m in my weekend clothes. I do also dress based on what I expect for an exam – something I can have my blood pressure checked in easily without having to disrobe or put the tech/assistant out too much while I fuss around with sleeves and whatnot. GYN = long socks (because I want my legs and feet to be warm during the exam).